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About Wallowa chieftain. (Joseph, Union County, Or.) 1884-1909 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 20, 1884)
Wallowa Chieftain. STOVALL. WOOED BY A BURGLAR. D e co y B a b y C r a d le » . AN UNFORTUNATE OLD MAN, [Exchange.] T U d u lg lit C o u r t s h ip o f a B e l l e b y a n Three gaudJfcr painted and improbable > pft Rnad. 1 K n t e r p r la ln g H o u«c b r e a k e r . looking cradled stood blistering in the sun Bluke Sto\j H ived among the moun yesterday afternoon near one of the Jersey [San Francisco Post.] tains of a spa M ; settled district His I t has often boon said th a t nothing save City f e r r i e s , w e r e tenderly watched Joseph, Union County, Oregon. farm bordered B 't t l e creek, following, business over by a tall man with long hair and odd success and money constitutes a with its fertil^ H in ts of rich soil, tl claim to social recognition on this coast; but, boots, polished with stove blacking and • . A . I I K t h K T IIO K W , P r o p r i e t o r . curves of th< am. His wife had as even with such illustrations of th at fact as dotted with red clay. The cradles were evidently not strong or large enough to I hu u < lead for tn years, but he lived in the Sharon trial befi . e them, our eastern hold a healthy baby, and when a young friends can hardly understand bow absolute *»uh*<*ri|»tion H a tew : with his boy, a bl ight * aPl*y rctirei couple camo am and gazed intently at them each into human ex- said rule is here, we can hardly expect the the tall man talk boy of 10 yea; Iked rapidly and with great If not paid ill a«t\ following perfectly tru e incident to be be xvas. a m an of so i.e istence. ¿to animaticui 1 i Single copy, six in t of some reading, for lieved out of vC’ own state: Single copy, three “ C ertalffy B y n are m l b education; at night not long ago the d au g h ter of one is house were marked of One A dvertising rati HjcT^ffTunuendand tho use the old books our best citizens was awakened by a noise »aid, honest search. by the finger in her room, and, upon sitting up, discovered to which thexffcradles are put you must Stovall and his son a man disguised in a black mask standing first call to your mind the nature of mus Cue day, w the rude gate in front beside her bed calmly contem plating her fea quitoes, anu the fact that a great many THE ORIGINAL “ D IX IE .” were standinj people object to sleeping under niusquito ling corn to a lot of tures by the aid of a bull’s-eye lantern. of the house, it gives i t' them a feeling of The New Orleans Tiiuos-Deniocrat give* “Dou’t be alarm ed, miss,” he said; “I net I ing, Spillers, an old fel- young pigs, I suffocation.^ the following as the correct original of the n the neighborhood, haven't taken auything yet.” low x v ho liv “ Very well. A gentleman living in famous “Dixie:” “Bless me I” said the girl; “I do believe it’s a r< de up and t| I d . New Jersey (that’s w here I was born and “I wish I was in de laud of cotton, burglar.” “ Won't vouj lit, old man ?” raisi d) buys one of these cradles, which Ole times d a r am not forgotten; “Of course it is,” said tho housebreaker, with r ’ll wish I hadn’t ” “ Wall, of 1 In Dixie laud w har I was bawii in, a n ungratifyiug smile, as he lit a cigarette. are very light and easy to carry, lie takes Arly ou a frosty m awuin’. Ibalam ing an ear of “How s tha it home, stretches a piece of musouito net I’m proud of it.” re and regarding the “And ting tightly over it, puts it into his bed corn on the “W hat do you w ant?” demanded the young “Ole missus m arry Will de weaber; room and gof’Mo sleep. old fellow ou r •y; , , lady. W ill he was a gay deecaber; “The niusquito is fond of baby, and has am t a man o much “Yer know W hen he puts his arm around her “Well, I did w ant to sample your jewelry an excelsior nature—that is, he always He looked as tierce as a forty-pouuder. grammar, Bid case,” said the robber, “but you looked so all- “ Wi ll, you H e not think.ng of look flred pretty lying there with your auburn tries to dd*tff?fiardest thing. 11c imagines “ His face was sharp as a butcher's cleaber, there is a baby in that cradle and he works ing up a se h c JH re you hair—just my style—th a t I couldn’t help hard all night trying to get at it; too busy But dat didn't seem a bit to greab ’or; " W ait till J H ‘t through. I ain’t a waking you to see if you also had dark eyes. even Will run away, missus took a decline, sing. In the morning the man Her face was de color ob de.hog'Ui riuo. man o’ much] li u m a r , and I ain’t got I’m terribly fond of light hair and d ark eyes wakes to up refnshed, without a pimple ou myself.” no lino way o lg< tin’ at a pint, so what his nose, and finds the niusquito panting “While missuyViLbe.1 she liblied in clober, “ Well, I have,” said the young lady, glanc and exhausted on tho window sill. The haffinr say it right I ve got t W hen she dhpl she died all ober; out. How 1 q Jiave yer been livin’ on ing a t the m irror. “But I m ust look like a thing is never known to fail. They are How eoukyOie act de foolish j«art fright in this—this dress.” An’ n ja/fy a m an to broke her heart/ th s place only 85 emts apiece, and 1 will sell the “On the contrary, white is very becoming right to manufacture them in any state (h e r lived here before “Why, “Ohckwheat cakes an’ cawn-raoal batter to you,” said the disciple of Jim m y Hope, hut New' Jersey for $15,(MIO. No, I haven’t Ito know th at.” me. You o u j ^ l £ .k e s you fut, or little fatter; tenderly. “By the way, are you engaged?” 8oh l a gr«.<< lApy. vet. .because true genius re's u health tode uex’ ole missus, “ Yas. Wa la n d did it ever strike “T hat’s teliin’,” said the IT"2- . rrPeTb; t rr?. \ r nown. ql .ook An -q»l d< tykls us w ants to kiss as. yer th at the ■■ ' “i didn’t hev no title “No, but are you—honest Injun?” at the steam fllgine—look at 4 lui^^pher “ Well, yes, I am—to a youug law yer; but ter it ?” “Now if y<»u w ant to drib« away sorrow Columbus—look at Patti—look”— mean r “ What do I don’t care for him so very much.” Come an' hear dis song to-morrow; The tall man cahie to and p«ned the Den hoe it down a n ’ scratch de grabbel, “ I ’ll ti ll J ir. Tutlier day when I “He’s poor, isn’t he?” hair from his eyes, and the yourig couple To Dixie land I’m bound to trabbeL” “Oh, aw fully.” xxent ter towi I dropped in at the state __ had fled. — “E xactly; I thought as much. Now, my jokin’ rouu’ over tho land office, CHORUS. T h e C ox v b o )9» S in e cu re. dear girl, don’t you know there is nothing in ed that his farm was books I disk) “I wish I was in Dixie, hooray, hooray.’ [Mexican Cor. Minneapolis Tribune.] Iu Dixie's land public lau’, I I entered it. D on’t this love-in-a-eottage business? You dou’t w ant to peg along nursing babies in some We'll take our stand, We often hear the people complaining xx anti r cause no onewuness, Bluke, stuffy back room for tho next ten years, do of severe winters and desiring to remove To live an’ dio in Dixie; but y ir ’ll ha er nove oil.” Away, away, away down Souf in Dixie; you?” to a warmer clime. Others have vivid “Groat (io , # an. My father, mother Away, aw ay, away down Souf in Dixie I” “N-n-n-o,” m urm ured the girl? dreams of fortunes to be made in such a anil wife die, j l re. You certainly don’t “Then why not let this fellow slide and land as t h i i 3 l f there be any such among A VILLAGE ROM ANCE. mean to say la I must leave here?” take me? I’m pretty com fortably fixed Busi the readen^Jp-ibis let them heed a few “That's tlitila ness has b°en good this season, and our words of 'aifx ice. If you are a man of H o w a F a t h e r ’« O b a tln a c y Vl a s Over« with such a law. I profits are large. Our firm is now running a capital and wish to engage in mining be “To perdi c o m e by a S im p le S h e p h e r d « o n p ie. ot me tell you, if you won’t go; ail tunnel under a Marysville bank, and I’ve got assured tha» the mountains here are full of [Paris Morning News.] ir pre em ption papers a fourth in terest Besides, I ’m secretary of rich deposits of coal, silver, gold and bring any of A little shepherd of the forests of Pal- around here hurt you.” the Burglars’ Protective association. Y\ lat other minerals, which will bring you still nee« loved a young girl df Santo-Pietro, greater wealth; or if you would prefer to re,” said old Spillers, d’ye say ?” “ N ow , loo the cool mountain village where the dismounting ■ ain’t no nso’n yer . “Couldn’t we go abroad nex t sum m er,” be a loid of 1,000 herds, the ranch will be fashionable ladies of Ajaccio go to spend talkin’ th at xj ly. Ef yor father before ! asked the girl, thoughtfully, to you nlsopMource of great proflit. the summer. The young girl also loved yer, and - ver . J r him, didn't have no i “Why, ceitainly. I expect to have to. If a mechanic or merchant, you can Ju st think over the m atter, and I ’ll Irop in the youth. At tho first word of m ar safely come here when the above interests re sense tl f l ter negleek this prop riage the father of the young girl flew rtv, w y l | l consequences must be some night later in the week. I know how demand men in your line, and qot before. to get in. ' And, shouldering his kit, the sec Are you a farmer with small capital? into a terrible passion, so terrible that took, th at’s £ retary stepped out of the window and went T hen stay where you are, for, believe me, for several days after the flocks of I*al- You misei ib i dog off to open a jewelry store for an engagement one Minnesota is worth nil B«ca did not dare to wander near the “ Never mil I rer g grammar. I know ring. New ,M( ? m ixed farm ing, all talk hillsides of Santo-Pietro. But ou the yer air a smu I min, but I ’ve got the And the next day the young law yer re about irrig.jWTto the contrary Notwith fifth day the young girl fell ill, and at 1 laxv ii t v on f i n yer. » » iH standing. Jfie only irrigated portions 1 ceived back his letters and photog aph. last the father relented. to say that you would ‘ Do you t Our girls know on which side their bread is have seen presented a stunted vegetation “ Wo will see about th at,” he said, rob me of n jom e? compared with that of our state. Then, I didn’t know buttered, and you can bet ou it. “after he has drawn his conscript’s num that there wj Inything wrong with the too, it tak^Kiapital to irrigate successfully. ber and has servod his time. 1 do not title. If y<| I d felt tho promptings Perhaps you sigh for ranch life. Would N a p o le o n In E u r o p e , want you to have a husband who will bo of a mail, you be co i ten ted to have your ambition ■would have come atul • [Cor. Detroit Free Press.] compelled to leave you as soon as you told me, so t I I could have remedied limited to a pair of leather breeches, a One sees Napoleon everywhere in Europe. slouch hat «a revolver and a saddled mus are married. p many years.” Canvas and paint, m arble and stone, clay the neglect tang? F op w ithout means to invest you How came it that in this country, ut ■ sec I ’m not tollin’ peo- and terra cotta, wood and wax have all been could be nothing but a coxvboy. as; but where there la no telegraph, the shepherd utilized to produce his form and features, :he H w u bus'ness. Thought pic 1 out tie To one and all I would say, in conclu in an hour afterward knew what had and even the rocky wall th a t juts into tho been said? The fact is th at on entering I ’d come < » I ail’ give yer warnin’ Rhine where the Lurlei nym ph once kept sion, evemjuije you sure of the greatest though. 1!« Kj brat, h< le this boss t.ll material q^sperity in coming here, it the village ho had only one idea upper house, is said to portray tho very likeness of would not be w orth the greatest sacrifice of most in his head—escape from his term I show the d o f tints.** the great emperor, but as far as I could see those countless associations which you Like the a j » g man of fondest af- the jagged edge m ight have represented of military service. u n enjoy gnd which »»m, innj ij may rvi* p o t v be found xvas a man of violent Robin Hood, or Benjamin Butler, with as n now The next day, while cutting wood in fections, S t a a lionally he would seem much correctness, had not the guide» here for generations to come. I asked the forest, he, as if by accident, gave his tem per. O country young nnuj who had been in the i to be losing c ntrol of liinvelf, and book assured me I was mistaken. The right hand a smart blow with his hatchet years if lie had seen much Improve in lity effort, he would salons of Versailles and the Louvre four and severed throe Angers. Now let tho th en . with a ment in tl^at line. He replied naively: picture him as a p retty featured boy appear to s oxv his wrath with a military examination take place! He “ Not any o speak of in the country; but like a patient, who is posing a t his mother’s knee; as the it is gettirg easier to live here now—they went home and tended his hurt as well series of gu ¡wallow the most nau- consul, standing in stately attitu d e before do not s’ jpt people so often. ” as he was able; and when the wound determined it when Spiller threw, his fellow m inisters; as the husband, su r tras bea^d, and het had been, rightly and seating pill; rounded by Josephiuej^qd her tiVe genture, which rd . Daiijjpe.’’ duly exempt, d, lie* went to Santo-Pietro with an Aw] norance and twin brother, cruelty, the determined and almost uncc^flTreHfBW' [Macon esSenger.] and bravely repeated his offer. soldier a t the pyramids, a t ' usterlitz, a t ssume, the bridle reins can so re.uii “ Would you like to see the buzzard “1 am not going to serve in the arm y,” agram, a t v ena. Uf-ting insult on him W But lie said, “for I am sure they never will to the boy Brussels caps the climax. In one of dance?” ittd Mr. (.’lay, the gentleman xvbile robbin is fath er—Stovall could whose lavsli hospitality I was enjoying. take mo. You can marry us now.” the rooms of the W eirtz gallery is a stretch .v his wrath. He sprang of canvas which for blood-curdling aw ful “ What is that?” said 1. But the father stopped him by a word. no longer sv “ Wait t minute, and I’ll show you, ” he id seized Spillers by ness and condensed horror cannot be equaled “Never,” he cried, “ will I give my over tho fen the throat, shoved him against a by some of the m artyrdom paintings in the replied. daughter to one who is maimed.” We xvcje seated on the broad veranda of The stomach of great Roman galleries. In the midst of hissing, And Q was apparent by his tone of pile of wood control, darting Haines stands Napoleon—in helll a southern country house, built some fifty voice that he meant what ho had said. forbearanc i ! years ago In lront of us a row of In spite of his daughter’s illness, he re and xvas th r I ng up the non digested Clad iu a m ilitary costume, gay w ith its giant mignolias, large as oaks, seemed colors and adornm ents, he stands erect w ith mained inexorable. It was clear that m orsds of it I t anil injury. in the inn starlight freighted with “Hole on,’ isped Spillers; “stop; folded arms. Crowding closely around balls this old man did not liko a maimed son- perfumed snow. To him are scores of wild-eyed creatures who, in-law. He made but one reply to the you’ll cho — - our right a vast grove of nines were softly Stovall si: I d hi over tlie wood, with an impetuosity of revengeful grief and soughing n the summer breeze, and be prayers and tears of this young girl. intense hatred, are reviling him as tho author yond tiidn the glare of the blazing knots, “ Never, you thoroughly understand, Tliev both fi | Th old m ans eyes of all their misery and unhappiness. th horrible stare, from never! And don't let him come hanging wen -Tart in I saw Napoloon still again in London at which lit half a hundred cabins, proclaimed around here any more. Cripples ought his head, Madame Tussaud’s exhibition on Baker the prcsi-lce of the “negro quarter. ” We “D on’t, pi cried the little boy. to marry cripples. Let him marry tho street. An e x tra fee adm its the visitor to were on tic Iluguenin plantation, in Sum Stovall wi rangling a gl astly title the Napoleon room. In its center, lying iu ter countk a modest farm of 8,000 acres. little blind girl of Palneca, or the hunch Ere the minute had clasped, Mr. Clay to real estat (vh ch, ghoul-formed and state on what was his own cam p bedstead a t back of bant’ Andrea.” end of the veranda aud gave med to be within his St. Helena, rests Napoleon, clad in his chas a walkedOltTc The young girl did not reply, and not mercenary, whooj» vhich would have invoked the I man’s tongue ean eout, seur uniform , and covered with the cloak he envy once during her illness did she speak of grasp. Thd of 9 Coinmanche Indian and the ij , swollen into shocking wore a t Marengo. In one corner of the prompt a te ndance of a Macon policeman. her shepherd. When she was convales and its blu apartm ent is seen the famous carriage relief, lookel io the bl storing tracks cent she was seized with a longing for An atu’J r m g , shout xvas heurd; and captured from Napoleon a t W aterloo—a re I of a deadly serpent, the forest and the open air, and every left by the dilutes a long line of m arkable old vehicle, having carried its il “T here,” day took long walks by tho hillside of laimed Stovall, arising, lustrious owner to Moscow, to Dresden, du.ky t>rnis eaine stealing through the shadiws of the pines unit l unged them Palneoa by the road th at her flocks “The next lj office he goes into, the to Paris, to the Mediterranean, selves in front of where wo sat. The knew so well. One morning, after a long devil will s him the books. He’s and then shipped to Elba, and gong begin anil the musicians commenced search, she again came across the little dead! Pea (die the wolf th at tho finally to W aterloo. Now it is shepherd, pale and haggard, like a shep buzzards led an disgust. B ut, great shown for sixpence I Inside is a wonderful to pat. Suddenly into the center of tlie G od!” tu r herd tired of tho world. [ to his terrified son, combination of secret drawers, w riting desks, open riujf leaped tlje sable dancer who wns persotste the buzzard. Though danc “Show me your wounded hand,” she “they will lj : me. Hun ox er to John- dining-tables th a t fold out of the way, pow to ing in ]ierfect time to tlie wild hut musical said son’s. Stay •re till I come for you.” der magazines, gun cases, sword scabbards accom, liniment, he yet managed to imitate He showed it to her bashfully, and The trag created an indigtia* t and pistol pockets. In fact, it was his with nxvcious exactness every movement piously sho pressed it to her lips. sensation, sheriff’s posse sconnd arm ory, his dining-rooin, his office and his of the uncouth bird he had chosen for ids “Show me,” she said to him again, the country )nce they drove Stovall bed-room combined. The rest of the room is model. Its tottering, tip toeing gait was “the hatchet which wounded you.” He into a niourj i niche, but he shot two filled with touching relics—the counterpane faithfully delineated, as w as also its sud on the cam p bed on which he died, den spriap* iron', right to left, its timid ap- took it and showed it to her. Then, men and ? ped. His soul's aim, used stained with his blood I His coronation robe, raising it and placing her hand on a now. w:ts d e his 1 Ov again. One faded and crum pled; a tooth brush taken proaen, its ravenous peek and sudden re stone: night, wiietJ 5 moon lit up the leaf- from his dressing case; a golden snuff box; treat from the craved hut dreaded carcass, “This is how you did it, isn’t it? This less woods, made his way toxvard his war atlas bewilderingly m arked and re which, in his homely drama, was repre is how the accident happened?” . ohnson’s li e. He had passed his m arked; his knife, fork and spoon used a t sent«! by a lint that looked indeed like the And before the shepherd wae able to own house, xx as nearing Johnson’s Bt. Helena, and his sh irt and drawers even. buzzard' bad been after it. reply the hatchet had fallen, the stone place, wheti ue one met liim. A G o o d K iiu ll.i l I d e a . was reddened, and beside it lay the three “Hello. JU D G IN G P E O r L K l i Y W IIA T T H E Y [Arkansaw Traveler.] HEAD. fingers of the pretty maid of 8anto-Pie- “ Hello.’ ITi.ndnent newspapers throughout the New Y ork Tribune. “T hat yot ■tovall?” country are now making special features ,/ “Now, shepherd,” she said, “shew me A news-stand at a central point or a of sltorl stories from prominent writers. “ Yes; tha bu, Johnson?” how you healed your wound.” “ Yes.’ much traveled thoroughfare is a good This is tiie English idea, but like many And together they returned to Santro- “1 am on lx way to your house to criterion of the intellectual character an idea which we get from tlie English, Pietro, he with tears in his eyes and she see my boj of the people who pan? Hmtwrfy. S a k e . A-'^h-4»1*4af’i'’i,lren-.- - Writers of g>a>d radiant. What could tho father do? “Come h said Johnson, taking Fulton and Hamilton ferries, for iil^ short stories art! not numerous, either Had he not imprudently said th at crip his arm. 1 d him a short distance, stance. On the news-stand at Fulton iu this uountry or in England. Tlie ples ought to marry cripples? He cursed stopped, pc id, and whispered: ferry, hv which the better class of edu produi tion of a short story requires quite them and married them. Tho wedding cated Brooklynites pass to and from as much literary skill as the production “Stovall, Ire’s your boy.” was celebrated two months ago. Stovall alone, with bis face their homes of more than the average of a novel; in fact, more dramatic ability buried in t amp earth of a newly in style ami comfort, there may be is requred, since tlie incidents of a F r e n c h A d v e r tisin g . made moi An oxvl lighted on a found all the daily papers, the short story cannot 1«) drawn out, even [Chicago News.j weeklies, and the first-class though tlie writing be pleasant. Tito great tree •t ied in hoarse mockery, best The proprietors of a French shoe store Txxo little magazines, together with cur violent political papers are passing away. x . one at the head and arc pnblisning in continental newspapers the other a rent and standard n s hound and The public, unless the m atter la) of foot, marked the grave, an ingenious advertisement based on the Johnson s 1 in paper. By wav f .iam iltou Ferry groat importance, no longer cares Io read girl put them there, publlo interest in duels and dynamite ex the working classes pans to humbler six. or even columns of political “ s lttlf.'’ “ You arc prisoner.” plosions. Capt. Cracson and Engineer homes; and the newsman there finds his Newspapers, as tho rapid educators of Stovall 1 I up The sheriff and Metrokins were to fight a duel, ami the profit in selling the penny and 2-eent the hurrying masses, should contain lurround. d li in. latter, having tho choice of arms, de his p< sse li papers, and such light literature as ne good literature, evep though it were to “ Wait,” 1 kid, in an agonized voice. gro minstrel song books, exposures of exclude the history of a bloody crime. cided on a dynamite combat. At tho appointed time the combatants arrived, "The light |ny life has been hidden freemasonry, adventures of highway each having five cartridges. The sec under this , 1*1,” pla ing his hand on men, and the novels of Dumas and Sue I l l th e f o l i c R e g io n ., onds mounted ou tho highest trees, and the mound, 1 My boy,” and again be and Munro’s publications. Probably [Exchanged the duel began. The first two cartridges buried his J I in the damp earth. He the poverty rather than the taste of his Ex- Mayor Powderly, of Scranton, tints produced no effect, but the third re sobbed al- Now, gentlemen,” he customers dictates his sorry collection, describes one of the women who work in sulted in a fearful explosion. ho sec said at letif arising, “I will go with but the newsn an at Hamilton Fi rry has tlie colic regions of Pennsylvania: “The onds dropped from their tree tops to you.” not a high opitron of the intellectual woman stood in the doorway and was He was find that Ceakson had been torn to The sheriff and his calibre of the dressed in a rough, loose fitting outer gar A mors pieces, and that Metrokins had disap posse wen ment and an apron. Her persor from the peared from view. Nothing but the T lie D r li i i k e n ne»a o f W e a llb . R» I -fp u Its exposed. \\ hen she stoop«! I In T » r n b « lo n i'« . boots remained. These, on examination, over to hankie the coke, site caught her [Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. ] I < ago Herald ] were found to have come from the well A rnnn can be as drunk with the mis hair between her teeth in order to Keen it A town i^ bnnocticut has a lot con leading idea of the immunities of wealth out of her way. Her feet were encased in known shop of Y. & Co. i ’. 4, hm in IlM center and as under the fiery juice of the grape. He a pair of heavy shoes, and her legs were tainingflve 8 iip e r « tltlo ii« o f S d i u r e . the others I ib y at the f.nir p«untrt of can accustom himself to thinking that it is exposed from tlie kneesdown. Her babe, [London Graphic J tne ccTr.pw ■ The center grave bears impossible that such delicate ami precious which she brought to the works with her, While the old mystical superstitions arc the brief ir I p tio n , Our hu-(baml," porcelain as himself can be rudely ban lay in front of tlie ear with scarcely any dying out. the superstitiou- of science arc whde the o s are in scrib ed , respect- tiled. He is betrayed bv self-indulgence covering except the shadow of a wheel- beginning to haunt ignorant or half edu vife,” “My II w;fe,” “My into a fi o!’s peradise, anti ends by wearing harrow, which was turned up in order to eated minds with quite as pernicious an ively: “ My prote,^ tne child from tlie rays of tlie sun. " a convict’s garb. effect. People arc no longer afraid of bo III wife,” ‘ flV wife.’r geys or portents in the sky, but they quake They have noither goats nor cows in D lr e e lo r y D it t o JVurk». Ib-nry V Beecher: Men are liorn at the mention of miasinas or acids in the Japan'. How the milkmen explain their histories, ti This year's Boston directory comes out •ned, unreadable; never- system. The man who is too wise to set presence there ia not stated. man born *nto this life with a new wrinkle. When there are more calamity iti an overturned salt cellar deems theless, ev< nnething of nis father and surnames than one of a kind the first is Ananlcdoea not uaualiy kill a |ierson it no folly to ascribe gigantic exits ton brings dow iiis mother, with a new priqted in full and the following are who has taken a poisonous dose In liws dish of strawberries or a packet of cigar something mixture ma than ton or »waive hours. the mingling of the two. designated bv ditto marks. ettes. PU B L S H E D E V E R Y TH U RSD A Y v í v ii M’a u t l n g 111. P lio t o , K a li« I n t o a I t e a f .» lu te O c n t l a f « f l u t c l i c . [Arkansaw Traveler.} A very rem arkable ease has just come up before an Arkansaw court. In a small town not far from the state capi tal, a photographer and a deaf mute dentist established an office together, and a short time ago an old fellow from across tlie bayou entered tile place to have liis picture taken. Tlie photog rapher xvas out nt the time and the polite dentist, not slow in picking up little jobs of work, met the visitor with a smile. The old fellow, in his embarrassment, began picking his teeth with his linger nail and sa id : “I want a picter tuck, m ister.” The dentist, understanding tlie sign to mean severe toothache, conducted the old fellow to tho to rtu re engine and eased him back on thu cushioned head rest. W hat followed is thus detailed by the old fellow in his statem ent be fore the c o u rt: “Airter he got me down on the thing that looked liker seat on n railroad car, he commenced ter fumble aroun’ over my face 1 told him th at I wanted the picter ter l o good lookin’, as I wanted ter send it to my married darter, an’ I thought he was smoothin’ out the wrinkles on iny face, but when lie prised open my mouth an' ’guutcr look down my throat, 1 thought it a mighty strange proceedin’, still I didn't say uutliiu’, as 1 Towed he knowed more ’bout his business than I did. 1 sorter shivered when he poked a iron thing inter my mouth, but didu t move, as t Towed lie done it to make mv jaw stick out each ill, but the fust thing 1 knowed airter this, he grabbed aholt o’ the aruly soun’ tooth I had in my head. I struggled an’ hollered, but it wan t no use, lur he swung himself roan’ an’ twisted tho tooth out. 1 jumped of’en his arrangem ent when he turned me loose, an’ was gitten’ outen th a r when he grabbed me. I fit him, but he still held me. Wo made sich a racket that a feller come up from down stairs, an’ when the tooth thi if made a letter signs tin fool motions tor him, ho said : “ ‘Why don’t yer pay him fur pullin’ yer tooth ?’ “ ‘1 didn’t want no tooth palled,' s'l. “ ‘That's a fine way to cheat a m an,’ says ho. ’i t he’d a tuck yer p ictu rth cn yon der said you wanted a tooth pulled,’ an’ he eotehed me by tlie skuff o' the neck an’ led me out, aud shoved me erlong the street. A whole mob jined in, an’ they tuck me ter jail. The mob howled till I thought they was goin’ ter hang me. I stayed in jail l'ur three days, charged with assault an’ battery. Now, jedge, that tooth was worth $100 ter me an' 1 want that town te r pay me for it, an' moreover, 1 want a little small change fur stayin’ in jail.” ABOUT LAUGHTER. A m e u d tn u : t li e V e r d ic t . [Detroit Free Press.] The train was lust entering Erin, Tenn., when we heard the sharp toot! toot! of tlie whistle, and such passengers as looked from the windows saw an aged African with a bundle over his shoulder straight ahead ou the track. The whistle was blown and die bell rung, but he paid no attention, and all of sudden the cowcatcher picked him up and flung him fifty feet to one side. A gang of men brought the body to the depot, and among the dozen of us who stopped off at the village a coroner’s jury was selected. It seemed a plain case. The man came to his death by being struck by a locomotive on the Louisville & Nash ville road. Such was the verdict rendered, but no sooner was it announced than the coroner observed: “Gentlemen, return and amend your verdict. You haven’t said anything about carelessness. ’’ We returned to the room and amended by adding that the engineer w as blameless iu the case, aud the coroner received us w’ith: “ Very good, gentlemen, so far as it goes, hut the man was probably deaf, and it would be well to amend tho verdict ac cordingly. “ We went hack and amended to make the victim as deaf as a hitchiug-post, but we xvere not through yet. “ You haven't got the name of the county in your report, and you don’t say whether it was a freight or passenger train,” observed the coroner. We returned to the room for another tussle, and xvere just congratulating our selves on having everything ship shape, xx hen the coroner put his head into the door way and called out: “Gentlemen, ainopd your verdic! The confounded nigger nas come to life!” And when we rushed out to the freight house he was sitting up ou end and asking if anybody had seen his bundle. II« M eu n l lo B e K in d . [Dtttixt’.t Free Pres».] There were three of ’em in the depot —q young man and two Indios —and the train wa t two iiours late. The young man looked out of the window steadily for ten minutes, i he same time was occupied by one of th » women in f-earohieg her reticule for a clove, and the other in wondering if there was any water in the cooler iu the corner The young man suddenly started and grabbed his valise. Both women thought he had heard the train on i each suddenly sprang up. B ut he hurriedly opened his valise and took from it a novel. It was by Dumas, and was entitled. “The History of a Crime— P a rt {Sixth.” Dividing the book in half, he out it through w th his knife, and adxanichig to tho lad es he handed a portion t > each with tho rem ark: “Allow me. You will find it very in teresting.” He then walked out and sat down on the edge of the platform, with a feei ng that he had made two souls perfectly happy. I t wss only as the tr'oin whistled th at he suddenly jumped up and gasped o u t: “L and sakes! but it I le t ie T u r n e d I n to B u l l e t s . has just occurred to me tha; neither of [Charleston (S. C.) News.J About thirty years ago Col. W. B. you may ha' e read the first flxe parts.” Johnston built a large cistern on M ul B ry a n t» * T i'ix le r C o n s c ie n c e . berry street, in Macon, Ga. Tlie cis [Philadelphia Call. tern was ornamented in the center with A very pretty anecdote is told of the a fountain consisting of a beautiful life- size statue of the charm ing goddess late William Cullen B ryant, the poet, Hebe, as she appears in art, a cup by a former associate iu his newspaper bearer, dispensing nectar at the ban office, which illustrates the good man’s quets of tlie gods. Hebe was perfect in simplicity of heart, bays thena. -'to r • ne morning, many years ago, a rter form and lovely in the graceful manner in which site held the tankard in one reaching the office and try ng in vain to hand and poured the unci a -ing flow of begin xxork, he turned to me and re water into a bowl held in the other marked : “ ‘1 cannot get along this morning.’ hand. On one occasion a serious ob “ ‘W by not i I asked. jection was made to her appearance by “ ‘O h,’ he replied, ‘I have done wrong Jh eluVTly ‘ widow froiu iWilkinson county, who was the guest of P eter J. Wneli on my way here a little b o i Hy Williams, the landlord of the oh' W ash ing a kite passed me. I he string of ington hall, which vas near tlie fountain, the kite having rubbed against my face i-lie asked -Mr. Williams w hattliefigure 1 seized it and broke it. The boy lost meant. Ho described it, and was en his kite, but 1 c< uld not stop t > pay him thusiastic in praising tlie beauty of for it. I did vx rong. 1 ought to have Hebe’s form aud graceful attitude. pa d him ’ ” This tenderness of*\cot science wont “That all may be tru e ,” replied the widow,' but I object to it because she far toward mai ing the poet the kindly, ought to have on some clothes, and I noble, honorable and houoied man that will subscribe $1 to buy eight yards of he was, whose death was felt as a loss ca'ico to have a frock made (or her.” throughout the land. Several years after, a new council, who P la y i n g I n d e r I>.lll<-tiUlen. seemed to be less a stlietic than their [Cor. Milwaukee Sentinel.] predecessors, was elected, when they At Missoula, Bandmann, the tragedian, passed a resolution ordering Hebo to with liis company, came on the train. He be removed to a more secluded place. is introducing the legitimate drama in these Thus the beaut f il statue of the young western wildernesses, and had presented. goddess was consigned to darkness in a “Narcisse,” “Othello,” and “ Hamlet” to cellar until during the late war. When the wondering cowboys of the mountains lead became searco it was presented to at .Missoula. He was not quite satisfied the Macon arsenal by Mr. Johnston, with the Missoulau dramatic editor^ arti- where it was melted and produced 2,500 Ice on “ Hamlet, ” in which Ophelia was pounds of load, which were m oulded characterized as a serio comic character, and he gave an amusing account of into Confederate bull ts. the Missoulan “opera house.” It has a stage, but no dressing-rooms, and the A M orlety E p is o d e o r H eap Y e a r . company xvere obliged to use dressing- [W ashington Cor. Philadelphia Call.] rooms across the street in tlie rear of the Society, as a sort of jest, lias decreed opera house, and walk through an admir that any young man wiio refuses a leap ing out-of-door crowd in all their theatrical year proposal from a lady is in honor toggery to reach the stage. The night bound to present her with a silk dress. that “ Hamlet” was produced there was a There are a num ber of “old maids” in heavy rain, and “the buried majesty of Denmark,” armed in complete steel, or town who have already accumulated Ophelia, with “fantastic garlands of crow- enough silk dresses to stock a dry goods flowers, nettles, daisies, aud long purples,” warehouse. B ut that is not what I de scudding across the street under an um sire to say. One day last week a young brella, was a spectacle highly interesting man in society hero paid a visit to a to the small hoys of Missoula who couldnM young lady friend. They were not en raise the funds to get inside the theatre, gaged, but he had given ample evi and excited their rapturous applause. dence th at ho would like to be, if he P u b lln lie r n a n d P r in t e r « o f 1 7 8 0 . could only m uster up sufficient confi [London fckx’iety.] dence. Of English newspapers xve read, “ in the He had been fooling along on the outside edges of an engagem ent for six year 1780, in London, alone, 08,000 were every week, ” and we are told how months or more, and the lady began to “ printed Woodfall, the printer of The Advertiser, grow anxious. I t was one of those cases once the famous newspaper’*' in London, ” where both parties floundered around defeated the attempt made by the govern in the sweet meshes of love, w ithout ment to discover who “ Junitis ” was. The ever coming to an open understanding. captain says: “ It is not nt all uncommon On tho evening in question the lady, to see a printer put in the pillory or half in jest and wholly in earnest, p ro dragged to jail, ” and although by naming posed to him. He said that s Iks were the author they would escape these indig unusually high-priced, and th at if she nities they never did so without his con would be married at once he would sent. “ The Rev. Mi Horne Tooke, curate accept. Much to his surprise, she did of Brentford, was so generous as to avow accept, and tlie couple visited the par himself on au occasion of this kind in the 1778.” Our author once saw a sonage of a neighboring clergyman, year printer in the pillory surrounded and pro where the bride produced the license, tected by a countless multitude of people, showing th at her determination was not who cheered him and crowned him with a sudden freak of fancy, and the pair garlands and flowers, and gave him re were made man and wife. freshment, putting it into his mouth, as his hands were fastened. Persons of rank A F e e d m id a F u d d le . stood by and talked familiarly to him with [Ixwdnti Cor. Inter Ocean. | cheering and encouraging words. Funerals in I ngland are oifcn made T h o u g h t-R e a d in g . occasions of feasting and revelry. A xvorningman observed in my hearing Mr. Labourcherc, M. P., In a let the other day that “he had many a time ter to Mr. Stuart Cumberland, has say concerting had more fun at funerals than at wed the following to “ Your explanation of dings.” “ What do you mean by fun?” mind reading. thought-reading— so called—xvas very in i asked. “ Oh, a feed and a fuddle,” xvas his reply; in other words, plenty teresting. As 1 had always supposed it to to eat and drink, lh e cub om of pro be, it is the perception of a thought in the of a subject by watching carefully its viding a feast, und of treating the bear mind effect upon his muscles. In order to suc ers to beer ; nd li piors, is general ceed, it is, of course, necessary for the op among the middle and lower classes. erator to have trained himself to note these This, of course, sdds to tho cost of physical indications. 1 am glad that you funerals, besides detracting from their are engaged in dispelling the nonsense solemnitv» which surrounded the experiments, and that you arc proving that you can equal St. Paul Pioneer: The stato need* the mystic powers o f the quacks who have citizens, hut she needs, above all, self hitherto made money out of fools, while at the same time you are able to give a nat supporting citizens. And that system ural and reasonable explanation of what of education is politic and most perfect you perforin. which best meets and fulfills the bight' requirement. A French writer, who estimates that The Current: Daily newspapers would the world contains 193,000 do tors, find it proflUble in more ways than one complains that two of o ir most exasper if their correspondents were allowed to ating affections, asthma and catarrh, defy their utm ost skill. sign their names in full to their work. T ia n y DI fle r e n t V a r ie t ie s —C o m t u e r - d a l V a lu e o f a G o o d L a u g h . [Chicago Tribun«.] • A laugh may convey all manner of sentim ents —joy, scorn, or anger ; it may be the most musical or most discordant of souuds, the most delightful or the mo t horrible which can fall upon our ears. Contrast tho happy laughter of m erry children with the gibbering cry of tlie maniac, or the hoarse laugh of a defiant criminal ; the musical ripple of cultivated m irth with the roars of a tipsy cioxxd at a fair. A really musical laugh is, perhaps, raver than a really musical voice. The giggle, the snigger, the half-« hoke 1 laugh are common enough; but how seldom do we hear that melodious sound, the laugh in its perfection. It should not be shrill, nor too loud, nor too long. I t should not bear any double meaning, any hidden sarcasm in its mirth. I t should not be so bo sterons as to exhaust the laughter and deafen the listeners. Peg Woffington is said to have been celebrated for tho music of her laughter on the stage—a most difficult accomplishment, for nothing (except, p e rh a p s a sneeze; is harder to counterfeit than a laugh. There are many variét és of laughs. There is the musical, cultivated, and extremely rare one, pleasant to listen to as a chime of bells. T here is the glad, if home what shrill, merrim ent of children, the hap piness of which condones its noi-e. There is the loud guffaw of the vul- gar, and the laughter which appears likely to tear tlife laugher in piece-», < ansie g him to wipe his e ves after the explosion is over. T here is the laucJ| of embarrassment, when a shy pen^H at a loss what to say next, “r e m a ij( p i h e,” as Artemus Ward deHtfit)es it. There is the rchoolgiid-a- -giggle ; and the poh« olboy’s snigger, as he reflects on some reeently-perp trated, but still recollected, piece of mischief. There is the chuckle of the sue essful man. All these bear some family rcsom- blanee to each other; they all, in their degree, express sensations of pleasure. There are darker descriptions ol laughter. There are laughs more cut ting than the bitterest speeches, more alarming than the eruelest threats. Satirical laughter is most offensive. A laugh can convey contempt which words would fail to express. Is any one proof against being an noyed by ridi ule? Even a dog is on- sible when he is laughed at, and resents the impertineuce. Home animals are indeed quite as ansitivo to deris on a- human beings. Tho laughter of the underbred, which finds open amuse ment in the minor troubles of their neighbors say the ridicule lavishe I on sea-sick a rri als at a pier, or on hapless foreigners in an altercation with a cab man, or an old gentleman who falls down a slide- also ranks among “laughs offensive.” Then there is the laugh of incredul ity. When Tom goes to his rich old uncle, full (»f glow ng descriptions oi tho perfections of the lady to whom he is engaged, or of the appointment which he e pects to obtain, does the old genth man damp his nephew s a r dor by a long harangue? No, he only gives a dry laugh : and Tom’s hopes of a check fall rapidly. Too rare laughers are as unpopular as ton ready ones. A teller of good stories never forgives the man who does not laugh at his jokes. Many perrons have nip le thoD fortunes by laughing at judicious mom ents; ap- p fa u d in g ftnme b o o r je a t\ o r b e c o m in g convulsed with m irth at a dull pun. To be duly appreciative of his patron’s wit was an im portant p art of the duty of a hatiger-on. W ith what ready laughter are a schoolmaster’s witticisms received by his class ! There is a story of a dram at'c author, whose play had been accepted, being requested to make suttdr altera tions to suit the taste of tho actors. Among other changes the manager suggeste 1 th at “a laugh” should be in troduced in the conclusion of a speech of an out going perform er; “it would give him a better exit.” The author plea led that to adm it this alterati n would spoil tho whole dialogue, but the manager was urgent still. “f”hink it over and do what you cnn. B — ’s position in the theatre demands it!” When laugh» rro thus pr'ze I it is not won lerful th at persons who rarely use their risible muscles aro unpopular. C a lif o r n ia ’« W o r a lilp o f T lo n e y . [Helen B artlett iu Pioneer P o ss. J “ Californians have such big hearts,” re marked one w ho had lived there a score of years, and ought to know Yet the conn try is far from perfect, even though it is in many respects a marvel. In the first place, the worship of money, particularly in Kan Francisco, has reached a formidable pass. If a gentleman descants on the desirability of any young lady he has met in society, he rarely describes her as bright or inter esting or intelligent or pfetty, hut simply as the possessor of so many hundreds of thousands. Every marriageable young woman is distinctly labeled as to her mar ket value. Without a large fortune you are a bigger nobody than you are in New York; and with it you can envy the des tinies of the entire state. It is no great exaggeration to assert that the whole of California is owned by half a dozen Irishmen; aud, of course, such a condition of affairs conduces neither to the public nor the private weal. Money is al ways a power, but in California it becomes a god, and character suffers a consequent demoralization. Still, no one should judge a young country severely. There is al ways any amount of blundsrjag, of e*u dity, that youth has to go through with. Kan Francisco has not sowed her wild oats yet. Perhaps, with her exuberance of life and spirits, she never will; hut by and by she will sow’ them more quietly, more de cently and in order, as Nexv York or Washington docs now’: and then the world w’ill ceased to be shocked. Society never troubles itself about any manner of wick edness, if only it is all done under cover, aud with a strict regard for the pro prieties. ________________ H o w H e B ul'-Jded. [Chicago Times.] A coroner’s jury in McLean county had oc casion to render a verdict in the case of a lynched horse-thief. They reported that the man had committed suicide by riding under a telegraph pole, throwing the rojie over the cross-piece and fastening it about his ne<‘k, then spurring his horse onward, leaving him with nothing under him and looking up the »ope.” ______________ T h e P a r a g r a p h i a ! ’« O ff s p r in g . [Burlingt n Free Press.] “ Oh, ma, I fell through a hatchway aud hurt me awfully,” sobbed a little Burling ton boy, as he came limping into the honse. “ Why, there isn’t any hatchway on the premises that you could fall through,” replied the mother. “ Yes, them is, ma. I fell through the manger where pa se« the black hen.” T h e B la c k P o o d le . The bla k poodle is again becoming fashionable in I ngland. These animals, to bo in co rect style, must have their hair shaved into knots and knobs, an I be rendered generally hideous.
